Mom studied to be a nurse and worked as a nurse in Israel and
in the Twin Cities. As a result, Mom appreciated, and we all deeply appreciate,
the compassionate nurses at Methodist Hospital and at Shalom Home who made
Mom’s final, difficult journey a little easier. Yet, in truth, Mom did not
really want to be a nurse. Mom wanted to be a doctor. Being a woman in Israel
in the 1950s, this just was not possible.
The Talmudic principle tafasta meruba lo tafasta,
maybe most aptly translated as “less is more,” is used to express the idea that
when it is possible to derive a particular law from two different sources, it
should be taken from the narrower of the two, in order to stay on the safe side
and avoid making assumptions.
Taken metaphorically, tafasta meruba lo tafasta teaches
us that one is more likely to succeed when they focus not on a goal, but on a
process. Goals are important as an ideal, yet when one focuses exclusively on
attaining a goal at all costs, one is more likely to fail in their attempt to
reach that goal. Life is mainly about the process, not the product.
A well-known physician’s prayer attributed to Maimonides makes
a profound statement about the place and role of a physician. It focuses not on
the goal of being a physician, but the process of becoming someone who helps
heal others. It is clear in retrospect that although circumstances didn’t allow
Mom to follow her dream of becoming a doctor, she nevertheless spent her life engaged
in a lifelong process of becoming someone who helped others.
Maimonides writes, “Almighty God, Thou hast endowed man with
the wisdom to relieve the suffering of his brother, to recognize his disorders,
to extract healing substances, to discover their powers and to prepare and to
apply them to suit every ill.” It is clear that, as a nurse, Mom engaged in
relieving the suffering of others. It is perhaps not so obvious that, when Mom
started an interpreting business later on in life, she was also working to relieve
the suffering of others. Having been a new immigrant not once, but twice, and
having to learn a new language not once, but twice, in her life, Mom knew how
bewildering it is to navigate a government bureaucracy, or seek medical or
legal services, not being familiar with the local language. In starting her
business, Mom worked to relieve the suffering of countless immigrants who might
otherwise have been marginalized or deprived of their fundamental human rights
and dignity.
Maimonides writes, “Do not allow thirst for profit, ambition
for renown, and admiration, to interfere with my profession, for these are the
enemies of truth and of love for mankind and they can lead astray in the great
task of attending to the welfare of Thy creatures.” Mom did not seek recognition
or accolades. Mom’s focus was on helping others rather than personal gain or
honor. Indeed, the timing of this funeral, occurring as it is on a Friday
afternoon, was probably planned by Mom in an effort to avoid inconveniencing
out-of-town relatives who might otherwise feel obligated to attend, by making
it almost impossible for them to do so.
Maimonides writes, “Should those who are wiser than I wish to
improve and instruct me, let my soul gratefully follow their guidance; for vast
is the extent of our art. Let me be contented in everything except in the great
science of my profession. Never allow the thought to arise in me that I have
attained sufficient knowledge, but vouchsafe to me the strength, the leisure
and the ambition ever to extend my knowledge. For art is great, but the mind of
man is ever expanding.” Mom was a life-long learner in pursuit of the art of
helping others. Even as a stay-at-home
Mom, Mom continued her education in nursing and biology. Mom also was an early
adopter. Mom started her interpreting business in the early 1980s, “BI” (before
Internet.) Mom learned how to use an acoustic coupler and to do word-processing
using Wordstar on a CP/M computer with 8-inch floppy discs. As new technology
became available, Mom kept up with that technology.
There is another aspect of tafasta meruba lo tafasta reflected
in how Mom chose to die. Mom suffered
for many years from Parkinson’s disease, and a number of challenges over the
past few months triggered a cascading decline.
At the age of 82, Mom might have focused on the goal of living as long
as her beloved mother Dina Lerner, ob”m, who lived to 96, or her beloved sister
Sara Younger, ob”m, who lived to 87.
Realizing what suffering such a focus might entail, Mom instead invoked tafasta meruba lo tafasta and chose
to be admitted to hospice.
In so doing, Mom gave herself and
all of us the most valuable gift – the gift of time, free of other
distractions, to focus on what was most important. Mom’s decision gave all of us the opportunity
to be with her during her last few weeks and months, and to say important
things we might not otherwise have had the chance to say. Let us honor Mom’s
memory by living our lives in the spirit of tafasta meruba lo tafasta, and work not to let the perfect be
the enemy of the good.
Tehi nishmata tzerura bitzror
hachayim
(Obituary may be viewed at https://www.hodroffepsteinmemorialchapels.com/obituaries/Rachel-Chela-Geretz/#!/Obituary)
